Welcome to Brats-R-Us. Park your toddler in the corner and spend a few minutes learning about Brats-R-Us. We're big, nationwide in fact. And we're local, with locations in sixty or so communities, probably one near you.

We've taken care of more infants, toddlers, dumpkins, love-lumps, rug-rats, yard-apes, and poop-machines than Ol' Mother Hubbard and Rose Kennedy put together.

"But my child is special," you're probably thinking. Of course your child is special. At Brats-R-Us, your precious little one is special to us too. Our certifiable attention-providers will even learn your child's name. You can't get more personal than that."

The health of your child is also important to us. After all, we have to clean up after them if they get sick. That's why we feature a low-sugar, no-caffeine, low-fat, nonallergenic, low-tar, hyper-organic, stain-resistant diet. In other words, lots of instant oatmeal.

Many parents worry that sending their child to day-care will weaken the intimate bond between parent and child. Not at Brats-R-Us. We have special classes for children two and up to teach them to recognize your photograph.

Your child won't be bored at Brats-R-Us. We feature a complete line of educational "Kideogames" to prepare your child for the real world. Your child can choose among favorites such as "Barney in Rehab," "Nuking New York," and "Super Mafia Brothers."

So drop by today and check us out and check your kid in. Then go home and take that nap you've postponed for three years.